Sheets

I'm going to be brave. This piece is a newer one. It's disturbing, offensive, vial, and the first chapter to the book I'm writing. This particular chapter is about abuse. Don't worry, the whole book isn't this depressing. If you're easily offended or would rather read happy pieces only, please don't read this one. Thanks.




***




He opened the door without knocking and started unbuttoning his pants. I was already naked under the thin sheet. I was thankful dad had turned the heat on today. I had been begging him for weeks but he refused to turn to turn it on till the water in the toilet had a thin sheet of ice across the top. That's when he knew it was getting cold enough to freeze the water in our pipes. He didn't want to pay to fix them if they burst again.

I turned my attention back to the man, now standing naked, in my room. I liked Ricky better than some of the others. He was nice to me. He liked to pretend like I was his daughter. It used to make my dad upset when he watched the video, but Ricky was a regular, and paid in cash, so he got over it. Ricky smiled at me. I smiled back. He got under the sheet with me and started stroking my hair and telling me about his week. He smelled like beer today. It was a comforting smell. Dad always smelled like beer. I listened intently to his story. I focused on keeping my eyes wide and interested. I mmm-d and ahhh-d at all the right places, and when he was ready I closed my eyes and let myself wander. I though about Wisconsin, I thought about my mom, and what my life would have been like if I had chosen to move with her. I thought about her next email, about how excited she seemed about the new man she was dating. His name was Bill, and he worked at the same hospital she did. He was a doctor. She was a receptionist. I remembered the picture she'd sent of the two of them. He was short.

And then I realized it was over. Ricky was standing at the edge of the bed, pulling his pants on. "I've got to run love. I'm meeting Suzanne for dinner after this." He sounded apologetic.

It stung a little. Suzanne was his real daughter, and she was prettier than me. He reached down and kissed my forehead. Then he turned and opened the door to leave. I jumped up to follow him and wrapped the sheet around myself as I went. I could hear him arguing with my dad already.

"Listen bastard, the price is fifty, it's always been fifty and that's all I'm giving you." Ricky was practically screaming. I assumed it was the alcohol.

"No," my dad replied with surprising cool, "She's got tits now. It's a hundred."

"What the fuck!? Those aren't tits; I've got tits bigger than hers!"

I cringed. I looked down at myself and wished I could be more for him. Maybe then he wouldn't be so angry.

He slammed the fifty-dollar bill down on the coffee table and turned to leave.

"If you don't pay, you'll never touch her again. She'd worth a hundred and you know it." Dad was getting red in the face.

Ricky turned to me, considering. I tried to smile some encouragement but it came out more of a grimace. He turned back to my dad. "Forget it, you greedy son-of-a-bitch." He slammed the door on the way out.

It felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me, and I could feel my heart slow. Like suddenly it was trying to pump blood with the consistency of tar. It hurt. Ricky was one of my favorites. And now, I'd never see him again. I looked at my dad. He pushed past me to my room and I could hear him fiddling with the camera. I hoped Ricky had remembered to turn it off. I had forgotten to check and I didn't want to get in trouble for wasting the battery. He came back with the tape and slammed it into the VCR. I just stood there, staring at him. How could he raise the price? He'd cost me one of my best friends. He was sitting on the couch now, settling in. He half smiled at me then, and waved me over. Ricky must have remembered to turn off the camera.

Ricky.

A whole new wave of grief and loss washed over me as I joined him on the couch. I used to sit on his lap when we watched our movies. I got too heavy though. Now I just curled up next to him. As soon as we were done watching, dad would upload it to his website. That way people could pay to watch me with his friends.

He put his arm around me, and I stopped being mad at him. I knew it wasn't his fault. If I were a better lay, Ricky would've paid a hundred. I was only worth fifty dollars. Dad pushed play and pulled me closer. All the yelling had gotten him excited. I could tell by the way he touched me that my night wasn't over yet.